also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
