I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
