my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
