I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
