It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
