i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
