Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Two words: blizzard sex
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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