If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
