____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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