im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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