I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
