Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
