we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
