you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
