So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
