I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
