babies were throwing up all over the place
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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