Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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