at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were trust falling into bushes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
