when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
