Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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