Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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