You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
