your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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