Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
