so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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