I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
