Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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