Umm I'm too high to move.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
