I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I smell stomach acid.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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