why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
