I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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