I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
