careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
