If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
