Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
