Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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