Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
