32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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