jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
