saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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