I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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