do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My penis needs a shock collar
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
