I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
