The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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