I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
