I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
