I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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