Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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