just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
