Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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