You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
