I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
