There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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