my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
