do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
