Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
