I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
