Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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