I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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